Zombie River Run Read online

  She thought she heard her parents talking about this guy this morning. Something about him being a preacher and that he was going to be a great sheep herd for the entire conflagration.

  The preacher got down on his knees to be at Tommi’s level. He started telling her all about Tommy Lee Jones and his prolific acting career. He kept talking about how pretty she was and that she shouldn’t be bothered by her name. He loved the way her blonde hair curled. He said it was cute. After they talked for a while, he invited her over to his house and said he had some board games she never heard of. That and he had candy.

  She cocked her head and thought about it. Mama always told her never to go in a stranger’s house alone, but this guy was a preacher! He was nice, he liked her name, and he said he had a Chinese checkerboard. “Well, Brother Brown–“

  He put a hand up. “No, call me Mike.”

  She giggled. “Okay, Mike. I’ve never played Chinese checkers before. You’d have to teach me.”

  He clicked his tongue and smiled. She followed him when he got up to go back to his house. “Come on! I can teach you a lot of things.” The Wolf could barely hold back a wicked SMILE.

  7

  Too Risky

  IT COULD NOT be a living creature. The bipedal animals that got on and off the water born monster treated it as an inanimate object. The peevie understood that it was just some type of unnatural construct created by the pale ones. Nothing living would allow them into its maw, regurgitate them whenever they saw reason to leave, swallow them back up, and repeat the process indefinitely.

  The former warden squatted on the grass just beyond the tree line, waiting and watching for the one it so rabidly yearned to sink its teeth into to come out into the open. The female watched three of the pale ones exit a cave with a covering over the entry and walk to the water born construct. A long diatribe of babbling was exchanged between one of the shiny creatures on the ground and another on the construct.

  The one on the ground sat and began removing its outer covering. The peevie couldn’t fathom why anything would constrict itself in such an unnatural way. Why was the extremely pale one removing what looked like a shell, exposing itself to predators like this one?

  Though it would provide a meal, the female chose not to take down the unknowing game before it. This thing looked just as tasty as any of the pale ones, but it was too risky. This is not the target. This is only one of the pack fellows of Ezekiel Collins.

  The pale ones do not yet need to know they are being followed. An opportunity would arise and the female would enjoy destroying the target. The determined animal couldn’t wait to get its hands on the large, hairless pale one and devour it. Victory would be SWEET.

  8

  No Country for Old Men

  “WELL,” HE STARTED as he walked in the room. “I should probably tell you how I got here.”

  She pulled her chained hands forward to the limit. It wasn’t too uncomfortable; she could sit down and drop her hands to the floor. The young girl didn’t feel that she had been physically hurt other than being drugged and chained up wherever she was. Tommi decided there must’ve been something in that candy corn Brother Brown gave her. She remembered taking a handful while he explained Chinese checkers and that was the last thing she remembered. Her next thought was that she should open her eyes.

  When she did she was in this dark, musky room. This had to be a basement or cellar, it felt as if she was underground but there was still natural light coming from somewhere. For some reason, the girl knew that Brother Brown did this intentionally.

  He continued, not waiting for her to speak. “I was working my way north from Birmingham. There’s a fairly large horse community down there, so they were accepting of a cowboy preacher.” He pulled up a chair and sat, only a couple feet away from her. “Especially a cowboy preacher from Texas. See, that’s where I’m from. I grew up in a gang. I was in and out of jail for my entire life. Then, I finally got caught doing something a little beyond petty, and they sent me to prison.”

  Brother Brown removed his hat and set it to the side. “When I got out, I figured playing the whole “reformed criminal, Born Again” would work to my benefit. And I’ll tell you what, you can bet your sweet little ass it did. Everyone started trusting me. They started showering me with money and even letting me work with their youth, I could come out and tell people I had been in prison and they would still let me have alone time with their young daughters! It was amazing. I eventually came across a girl just out of high school and she was perfect for me. Not only was she a sweet young thing, she was just as devious as I was. She was happy to conspire with me on robbing all these stupid Christians blind. On top of that, she was okay with my fetishes.”

  He spoke of his wife, Lauren, with wistful nostalgia. “She liked being bad. It turned her on that I was bad and she was okay that I did some really bad stuff. She even helped me with some of my jobs.” He walked over to a cabinet and brought out a few knives to set on a white cloth. “See, I had played all my cards in Texas and I was a suspect when Tia went missing; a little girl, a few years older than you. She was the best I ever had but I imagine you’ll be even better.” Tommi had nearly forgotten that the island received electricity days ago and she nearly screamed when he turned the light on.

  The faux pastor kicked on some kind of fan and turned to face her. “I made my way from Birmingham and had just pulled my last job there before May Day. I was going to start heading north when people began getting sick. Now I don’t have to worry about any kind of paper trail or law enforcement. I can see myself staying here for a long time. Well, at least until I start running out of friends like you.” He laughed and leaned over to pick up a canister attached to a hose. The small thing on the end looked like it shot something out.

  The Wolf looked down at the device he was holding then lifted it up so Tommi could see it better.

  “Interesting looking device isn’t it? “It’s called a captive bolt gun; their used in the cattle processing industry all the time. Coincidentally your namesake and my favorite actor would know what this is. There was one of these in a movie he played in one time.” Brother Brown turned a small wheel at the top of the tall, chrome canister. A low hissing noise sounded. He put his finger on the trigger of the projector at the end of the hose and moved toward Tommi.

  “Now. Let me show you how it WORKS.”

  9

  Mo Journal Entry 2

  IT SEEMS LIKE we’ve been around the world and been through every single fucking dam on the planet twice. That’s what it feels like but in all honesty, we probably aren’t in central Alabama yet. According to my brother and every other member of the crew, there are almost no peevies anywhere.

  Well, except when I go clear a dam. It’s like they all got together at their Blunatics Anonymous meeting and one of them said, “Hey, let’s all conspire to only mass in every damn that the most unfit person on that floating thing goes to. We need to make things more difficult for him!” I never get a fucking break.

  I should take that back. It’s not really a break, but I was finally paired with one of the more muscular crewmembers that had skills using one of those shooty thingies. Finally, I was partnered with Sanjay Patel to accompany Aka through this particular lock and dam.

  Akambiya Ngona Collins was my brother’s new wife. In her home country of Zambia when she was younger, she frequently visited with her brother at the hydroelectric dam where he was employed. She was the only survivor we had access to with the knowledge to operate a dam. She was only on the boat now because Easy was here; the ebony beauty wouldn’t feel safe alone in close quarters with a pervert like me. She treated me like a deviant and I guess she was justified in believing that, considering our first meeting at the prison.

  Easy only agreed to come on this journey because I agreed to take him to the closest port to Tuscaloosa. All so he could get a football trophy. I plan on dropping his ass off somewhere after we had been to the Gul
f, but of course, nothing ever happens the way I plan. He basically forced me to go down the Tennessee River which will most likely add another decade or three on to the journey. Oh, almost forgot, the whole point of our trip was to find a supposed cure. The person with this cure will be long dead from old age before we get to the fucking ocean!

  Anyway, Sanjay was one of The Phantoms, some kind of Indian Special Forces black ops super soldier with more experience points than I could ever achieve. Dr. Philip George, The Medicine Man, was a cardiologist at the local hospital and just so happened to be the commander of a group of Indian Navy SEALs, called NSG Phantom HITs. Sanjay was outfitted in a Clone Trooper suit of armor and he carried some kind of badass submachine gun.

  It was beyond me why the hell I was even a candidate for going off the boat. The other crew members must not actually want to ever get off this damn river. They have tasked the only dam technician on our replica pirate ship to be protected by me countless times.

  I’m guessing Crow, my original shipmate that claimed to be an American Indian, must have been below deck. The gangplank had been lowered and Sanjay’s Clone Trooper boots touched the earth just before my Cylon boots. Aka followed close behind me in her Storm outfit. You’d figure she’d want something less skintight, being in such close proximity to her peeping Tom brother-in-law. But there she was, filling out the leather perfectly, between her two bodyguards. I doubt she enjoyed standing next to me, Easy surely told her it was okay.

  I was carrying a Klingon bat’leth over my shoulder, my melee weapon of choice. I couldn’t see any type of bladed armament on Sanjay. The African Princess carried some type of black halberd. I thought all main protagonists were required to carry something along with a firearm. “Dude, where’s your sword?”

  “Right here.” Sanjay patted the armored thighs of his suit with his bare hands. He had some type of wide, silken sheath attached to either leg. This is the first time I paid enough attention to realize his hands were uncovered. I’m so observant.

  “What’s that?”

  He spoke as if I should already know. “Katar.” I stopped and cocked my helmeted head to the side before he stopped and turned to face me. Aka took a step back and similarly turned to face me, alongside the HIT.

  “You got some kind of Star Wars thing from Gene?”

  He started to lift his weapons from their sheaths. “Katar are traditional Indian push daggers.” He pulled out an eight inch long blade with some type of horizontal handle. Patel held it as if ready to use, blade pointing out over his closed fingers, a guard around his wrist completed the totally metal device.

  “Mr. Stanley had nothing like this in his collection. I brought them from home.” He held his hand up, closed fingers facing him. I almost laughed when I compared it to him shooting me a bird. He used his fingers to pull a lever in the device and the blade scissored open. A solid dagger remained in the middle while two razor-sharp arms spread out to either side. “Tiger blades.”

  I drew back in awe. “Holy fucking shit! That’s scary as hell.”

  I could hear his smile through the helmet. “Only if you’re on the receiving end.” I laughed nervously as he returned them to their sheaths. His steel could definitely come in handy in the crypt we were entering.

  To finish his description of the weapons, he filled me in on the specific history of the steel. “These are my family’s Tiger blades. They will slice up the afflicted just as they have my family’s human enemies for lifetimes.”

  ☠☠☠

  “... Fuck if I know! Every one of you damn people act like I’m doing it on purpose.” I didn’t want to play anymore.

  Sanjay made it sound like he had killed more peevies today than every day before this since May Day combined. “It’s basically a cakewalk any other time. I wish I had been partnered with anyone else!”

  My sister-in-law threw her two cents into it. “He’s right. I’ve not seen more than a handful in one dam unless you are with me.”

  “Well fuck the both of you! I guarantee you it’s not because I want to come. I don’t know which one of you had the idea to randomly choose your defenders. Take my name out of the damn hat!”

  I continued slicing through zombies as we moved forward. The lock had been opened and the Cora was waiting safely for our return. We just had to rip through hundreds–if not thousands–of these stinking monsters.

  My Clone Trooper compatriot with red accents on his armor punched into shit covered revenant after reeking scourge. He would seek a peevie closest in the room and jam his blade deep into the stomach, chest, or wherever he happened to land a blow. The Katar punctured blue flesh and pulled the wound apart as it exited. I nearly felt bad for the zombies that were eviscerated alive when he jerked his dagger free. Almost. The putrid baby diarrhea that resembled Oreo cake filling that sprayed from their rectums as they collapsed kind of killed my empathy.

  The Phantom was traveling down the opposite side of the hall as me, he was on my right. There was a wall on the other side of both of us. It didn’t seem like they were trying to get between us to the ebony goddess to our rear. I was thinking that she could have at least given us some assistance and sent a few rifle rounds into the horde. On second thought, I was glad I didn’t suggest that. A woman sending rounds over our shoulders wouldn’t make me feel safe either. Yes, I said it. Hey-oh!

  Sanjay disemboweled a body with every arm thrust. He would step over the truly dying undead. My sister-in-law would then stab the pointed staff of her halberd into the craniums of the beasts, silencing them forever. I’m pretty sure I at least injured dozens of the animals. They would fall after receiving a fairly deep laceration or a definite bone bruise. My sister in arms would quickly dispatch the downed reanimate with a quick spear through a blue ear or yellow eye.

  “This is ridiculous!” Sanjay threw his arm forward and punctured a lung between two ribs. His blade opened up and he kicked his foot into the chest of the animal to free his blade. Blood splattered and bones cracked before the revenant flew backwards.

  I knew he was blaming me for the number of undead. “Tell me about it!” It wasn’t my fault. “Just tell them to take my name off the list.”

  I brought one end of my bat’leth up and caught a running peevie in the area you would call– in Doctor terms–its junk. The blade sliced into testicles and up behind the rapidly deflating penis. I froze, almost feeling the pain of watching another male be damaged in that most sensitive area. The forward momentum of the undead scourge carried it further onto the blade and deeper into the pubic area. I almost dropped the blade and put my hand between my legs when I watched bloodied fluid and one of the balls pop out of the sac dropping to the floor. The imagery will forever be burned in my mind as the steel impacted the pelvic bone. The blue cannibal involuntarily took a step back. That was the worst fucking thing it could’ve done. My bat’leth came straight out just to the left of the sagging penis. Blood began pumping from the wound with the junk attached to the body only on the right side. The junk swung open like a door and hit the thing in the leg.

  I was beyond horrified to see what I’d done. I screamed at Sanjay. “Just kill the damn thing!” He brought his push dagger around and sliced it across the neck. I know it was excruciating, but the animal would surely die a quicker death with this one. It collapsed, screaming and shitting everywhere.

  I wanted to tell it how sorry I was. At least Aka put the sad thing out of its indescribable torment. For some reason, I started looking for that free testicle. Thank God it was nowhere to be seen.

  We made it into the front office without my realizing it. Light was coming in through the windows and a hallway opened to a wider room. There were just a few dozen more peevies in this room and then we would be out in the sunlight. Where the hell have they come from? All the side rooms appeared to be small closets, bathrooms, or offices. Were they jam packed into these rooms or had they entered the dam from outside? That would mean they were out in the sun. We
re they that hungry? And if they had come from outside, the crew on the Cora would have definitely seen them charging the door. They could have shot them! What the hell? They were probably too busy rigging the contest to randomly pull my name for the next dam clearance to bother looking over the side of the boat.

  Being a wider room, one of the nudists was able to come around on my left side while I was busy slashing an enemy in front of me. It didn’t really have a chance to bite me, but I can imagine a domino effect with me and then Sanjay if it tackled me.

  Before it could rub shriveled genitals all over my armor, Aka stabbed the thing in the side of the abdomen. It stopped and turned its head to see something long and black sticking through from its side. The yellow eyes followed the staff to its holder and it cocked its head, confused. In the next second, I slammed my metal elbow into the beast. This crushed ribs and pushed the revenant even further onto the staff. The point was now protruding from its other side. It was disturbing to see something that was once a teenage boy on a spit. Now it just needed to start rotating!

  My sister-in-law pulled her spear with a twist. The animal was now free but still confused. I then spun on my heel and swung my alien blade at the animal. I was amazed that I cleanly beheaded the thing without much effort. Blood spurted from the neck and its head rolled. I was horrified as well as simultaneously astounded. With my next step, I tried to add a little spring, just to tell people I know I’m a badass that fucking beheads enemies!

  We finally burst through the door, into the beaming sunlight. There is no way the peevies came from out here. Exhausted, the three of us walked to where the Cora was waiting. Just as a welcome home present, the rope ladder awaited us.

  I looked up and shook my fist. “Damn you, CROW!”